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Your Mask Is Like Your Underwear

by Randy Kaplan

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Have you taken a gander at the inside of a child's mask after they've worn it for a day? Most kids would wear that very same mask again and again if left to their own devices. This public service announcement song seeks to adjust those devices. Special thanks to Keren Klein for the conversation that led to this song!

lyrics

"Your Mask Is Like Your Underwear

Your mask is like your underwear,
and like you do with every pair,
you must exhibit proper care.
Now, really, what I mean

is that your mask, if you’ll take my advice,
should be worn once or maybe twice.
With health you shouldn’t roll the dice,
so keep your mask clean!

Your mask is like a Band-Aid, kid,
So, please, before I flip my lid,
look what your nose and mouth done did.
They painted and they drew

a circle, sort of, made of germs
and boogers, please forgive the term,
and spit and mucous. Please don’t squirm.
This song was made for you:

Reusable? Then washable.
Disposable? Then tossable.
When taken off, it’s squashable.
Just throw it in the trash.

Your skivvies, if they looked like that,
would be thrown out in seconds flat.
It looks like something just went splat.
So wash or change your mask!

Your mask is like some dental floss.
Once used, into the bin it’s tossed.
Once worn, your mask should just get lost
or hampered with your undies.

That stain where all day long your nose
sneezes, breathes-es, honks, and blows
is made of spores and germs and mold,
and fungus… fungi… fungi!

Your mask is like a tissue, yuck!
You wouldn’t say, “Oh well, aw shucks,
I’m lazy so I’ll try my luck
and use the same one twice.”

No, you’d blow a hole right through that thing,
and all your snot, like so much bling,
would fly across the room. Let’s sing
this song. It’s good advice:

Reusable? Then washable.
Disposable? Then tossable.
When taken off, it’s squashable.
Just throw it in the trash.

Your skivvies, if they looked like that,
would be thrown out in seconds flat.
It looks like something just went splat.
So wash or change your mask!

Your mask is like your underwear
but on your face, not under there
covering your derriere.
Oh, you know what I mean.

Your mask, if you’ll take my advice,
should be worn once or maybe twice.
With health, we shouldn’t roll the dice.
So keep your masks clean!

credits

released December 7, 2020
Randy Kaplan: Guitar, Vox, Harmonica
Music and Lyrics by RK & Julie May

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all rights reserved

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Randy Kaplan Detroit, Michigan

ADULTS: Nashville Blues & Roots Alliance calls Randy “a master of old-time, Delta-influenced guitar,” and the Smoky Mountain Blues Society says he’s “an absolute ace guitarist, picker, and ragtime player.”

KIDS: Randy's blend of American Roots Music and Comedic Storytelling has inspired the likes of NPR and PEOPLE magazine to name Randy one of the nation’s top family entertainers. ... more

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