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Lake Champions

by Randy Kaplan

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1.
Drunk As Can Be 06:01
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"Drunk As Can Be" by Randy Kaplan I grew up here in the south I went to school down here too I fell in love with a northern girl I'll admit that it's true She had a really big mouth And she talked really fast Opposites attract And so out she was asked Well we shared a bed Uptown New Orleans Near Fat Harry's Bar On Freret street And every day after class And most evenings too We'd go down to The Boot And throw back a few Then she'd go off with her friends But she'd stay on my mind And so I'd set out to find her But I would only find That I was drunk as can be Drunk as can be And if you saw someone on Zimple Street Tripping over his own feet Circa 1993 That was probably me I'd arrive at her house She never locked her door She'd always be passed out On her bathroom floor I'd mumble something to her She'd grumble something to me Something like, My back really hurts That was bad ecstasy And we were drunk as can be Drunk as can be And if you saw a silhouette Carrying a shadow off to bed Vodka-crans gone to her head I'd be willing to bet That was probably me Well, we got our degrees And she moved back to New York I moved back here to Memphis I guess our road had a fork But I’d fly up in the summer And we'd swim in her pool I'd go off with her brother To shoot some hoops at Stu's And when her sister got married You know I was there You know the part that was scary? Those expectant stares I started thinking, My God I'm not ready yet There was an open bar And it was easy to get Drunk as can be So I got drunk as can be And if you saw someone in tuxedo pants With no bow tie trying to dance A Jack and Coke still in his hand I’m gonna' take a chance That was probably me I gotta move on I gotta buckle down I gotta get rich And I can't do that with her around We gotta put this on hold We gotta wait and see I gotta be alone If this is meant to be Then one day it will be Now we're out of touch Following our own paths Trying to avoid the crutch Of living in the past But when my job is done And I'm ready to care When this battle is won Maybe she'll still be there And if she is there We'll start anew We'll meet somewhere And throw back a few But if she is gone If she's nowhere near I won't be alone No I'll have a career And we'll get drunk as can be Drunk as can be And if you see someone just sitting here Hung over on whisky or maybe beer In his cups up to his ears Over an ashtray of tears That'll probably be me Yeah that’ll probably be me And I will be drunk as can be Drunk as can be
2.
Ten Page Letter 02:41
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"Ten Page Letter" by Randy Kaplan I just wanted to ask for another try I wanted to explain how I’ve changed But I got scared it was a lie I wish you were still here with me Is mostly what I meant In the ten page letter I never sent You said I let you down so I should let you be You don't want to hear another line So time's moving on not me Baby, I can't let you go Is the main content Of the ten page letter I never sent I told you what I missed about you I told what I’ve come to be I started out writing it to you But it ended up being just for me You want action not words And I’ve never moved much. It's true But I am moved when I read the words I wrote to you They make me sound like Superman But here I am Clark Kent With this ten page letter I never sent
3.
Isn't That Right? 03:34
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"Isn't That Right?" by Randy Kaplan Virginia Woolf and an empty glass Of cognac on your TV set A pamphlet from that Freud exhibit at The Met Plastic as a window shade A cold unzippered sleeping bag The Olympics are done, let's burn the Ukrainian flag We're drinking tequila, vodka, lager, purple wine, and ale We're waiting for Spring 'cause tonight we look a little bit pale You need caffeine in your coffee But you need more sleep at night Well that's a little bit more than I can offer Isn't that right? Isn’t that right? Isn’t that right? Isn’t that right? The birds are south and the leaves are gone But in your greenhouse nothing dies I’ll shut my mouth if you close your suspicious eyes I'm gonna dream of my first best friend You dream I'm someone you can trust I'm just nervous about him finding out about us There's an Arctic front that's coming, this winter never ends We shouldn't have crossed that line, we might still be friends You need caffeine in your coffee And someone to hold you tight Well that's a little bit more than I offer you Isn't that right? Isn't that right? Isn't that right? Isn't that right? Let's go down First Avenue and make that juke box play our song 'Cause soon I'll be back where I hope I still belong Far from the wind chill and the other factors that I fear But the Chrysler Building will still be here You need caffeine in your coffee And someone who won't take flight Well that's a little bit more than I offer Isn't that right? Isn't that right? Isn't that right? Isn't that right?
4.
The Offer of 1000 Shields 03:40
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"The Offer of 1000 Shields" by Randy Kaplan I've been missing so long I've been bored and ignored I can't picture myself tomorrow I can't picture myself at all I outrun seasons Trying to last the day Tell me are you close enough? I mean far enough away Your name is the offer of some other deal You can lead to a waste of time Or you can lead to something real I want you to win But I don't want to lose I'm not checking out I'm just switching rooms I run in circles I have another round I'm looking for an anchor But I'd hate to be held down Your name is the offer of some other place You can end it all right now Just by showing me your face I found my faith But I held her too tight Now I talk to no one And she stays out all night I make you jealous You make me afraid Sometimes I forget In whose image I was made Your name is the offer of some other time You can make me one of them Or you can make yourself all mine Your name is the offer of some other place Tell me am I close enough? I mean far enough away
5.
Same Mistake 02:48
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"Same Mistake" by Randy Kaplan I don't want to make the same mistake That I made yesterday I tried to give a little hint But I gave it all away But I’ll know better next time To keep it all inside And not speak my mind And not call you mine And not waste my time on you I don’t want to make the same mistake That I'm making today There are things that you can think But you cannot say But I’ll know better next time To keep it all inside And not speak my mind And not cross the line And not waste my time on you It's always for you It's always on you I don’t want to make the same mistake That I will make tomorrow When you bite off more than you can chew You gotta chew more than you can swallow And the deepest thoughts When they are brought To the surface all seem shallow But I'll know better next time To keep it all inside And not speak my mind And see all the signs And not waste my time on you It's always for you It's only for you
6.
Not Enough 06:23
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"Not Enough" by Randy Kaplan You've got a hand with a long life line for someone who Eats the bread and drinks the wine as much as you Your blanket's warm and your pillow's soft You got rid of that winter cough You can turn it on now off the cuff You've climbed to the tops of trees You've sailed five of seven seas When you escaped your enemies were crushed You have stood inside the Louvre You're free to stay you're free to move You've been starved but mostly you've been stuffed And it's not enough Your bank account is holding out for someone who Is getting dressed and going out as much as you In your hat there is a feather You can walk through any weather Your aim is good you're hardly ever in the rough You have been paid to pretend You have started fashion trends You've touched the bottom of the deep end and come up It's still not enough It's not enough to be ankle deep in luxury But if you were on your back you'd be in over your head It's not enough to have been part of a phase or a fad But when you have too much you'll have turned red You give off such innocence for someone who Commits the sin and then repents as much as you You eat apples to the cores You have laid with queens and whores In parking lots on foreign shores and such You've pushed buttons you've pulled levers You can pull yourself together You will gamble but you'll never have to bluff The straightest flush you have been dealt Still you've made some candles melt Before you many angels knelt And once as one undid your belt You may have touched and even felt true love But it's not enough It's not enough to be ankle deep in luxury But when I'm on my back I see I'm in over my head
7.
I Didn't Buy It 04:25
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"I Didn't Buy It" by Randy Kaplan She asked me if I thought that we would ever fall in love I said, I think we may already have Then we had a weekend Well for me that was enough I said, It's funny how it works She didn't laugh She said, I'm the best catch you're ever gonna find If I were a man I'd be knocking down my door I know you can love me Just open up your mind Yes, I know that you can love me so much more I didn't buy it I didn't buy it Although I wanted to and I do still But I didn't buy it No, I didn't buy it But when she's out of reach maybe I will I said, You are a great catch but the sea is filled with fish And I need to catch as many as I can But there's no need to give me a final bon voyage kiss 'Cause I can cast my line while standing on your dry land I said, I want to know you for a long, long time I said, I want you in my life Until the end I said, Being free like me is not some kind of crime And I'll love you more now that you're my friend But she didn't buy it No, she didn't buy it Although she wanted to and she does still She didn't buy it No, she didn't buy it But when I'm out of touch maybe she will I was in this clothing store going through the racks And after just a few minutes I came across this tiny, rust-colored vintage leather jacket And I had a vision in my mind of her in it But it was eighty-five degrees outside And I knew her in the winter time And it was eighty dollars that I didn't have So I didn't buy it No, I didn't buy it Although I wanted to and I do still But I didn't buy it No, I didn't buy it But if it's still there when I go back maybe I will If she's still here when I get back maybe I will Remember how it was and could be still
8.
Take This As I Mean It 04:23
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"Take This As I Mean It" by Randy Kaplan If I ever get the strength again I’ll retrace the steps I took If my time ever has length again It could be like it was then With the caves and the cottonwood trees Waterfalls and falling leaves Our lips were cracked I had my hat pulled down Night fell and found us in a field It was so quiet that the fire was loud And so dark when it went out I was far from everything I knew But I knew I was real Take this as I mean it I didn't know you long enough But for every solid minute There's a second that's soft enough In the armor of the mountain springs We watched each other disappear We were taking aim at things Breaking chains and cutting strings But the shadows hung the houses in the air And took the place of the chains and the strings Take this as I mean it I was the girl and you were the boy I came back to you in weakness After we had said goodbye You may not remember me But I’ll always remember you What were we supposed to be? Were we too trapped or were we too free? When the morning came You said to me Take this as I mean it I love you And then I was gone Maybe I retreated But maybe I just moved along
9.
Gold 02:25
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"Gold" by Randy Kaplan I like your friends and you like mine I'm gonna take that as a sign Black and white and colorblind Everything looks gold I knew I loved you right away You took your time to turn my way But now I know you're here to stay I wear a ring of gold I saw you first on Halloween I’ve never worn a mask since then And if I’m as beautiful as you say It's you who makes me look this way I'm leaving home to be with you The hourglass is broken through You turned all that sand into A runway of gold And now I know there's no one else When I’m with you I know myself I think you're good for my health You wear a ring of gold I saw you first on Halloween I’ve never worn a mask since then And if I'm as beautiful as you say It's you who make me look this way My best light's in Santa Fe Or Malibu or any day I'm next to you in any way In every night of gold And if I'm as beautiful as you say It's you who makes me look this way
10.
Wooden Arms 03:26
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"Wooden Arms" by Randy Kaplan On one hand I could say The stars are only fireflies and not so far away On the other hand I could count The times I made you feel secure I don't amount to much But maybe I’ll wake up and I’ll be a different man And you'll forget the way I was and like the way I am Yesterday I lost my temper And I cursed and cried out. How it cost me She called me a three year old So to prove her wrong I kicked a wall And crawled into the hole Maybe I’ll wake up and I’ll be a different man And you'll forget the way I was and like the way I am These worn wooden arms your arms rested on I pulled a false alarm And I tried to break my cage Singing, Everyone who ever lived is about the same age She flew far away And I was torn between a call for an overhaul and a total change Maybe I’ll wake up and I’ll be a different man If you'd forget the way I was I’ll show you who I am My trial was by fire My water bearer in the night You're what I desire
11.
G-d's Song 06:11
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"G-d's Song" by Randy Kaplan Last night when I went to bed A Spirit came into my head Everything dark became light He said, “This is G-d" and I knew He was right I said, “For my sins must I pay?" He said, "It don't happen that way Your soul I'm not here to take I just got a few points that I want to make And whatever I say unto thee Ye shall tell everybody for Me" So here's what He said. Have no doubt This is straight from the horse's mouth He said, "First off the Bible's a gem And over it you shouldn't haw and hem The reason you all disagree Is you take it so literally When I sent my prophets I blew it I shouldn't have sent you such poets I've got a billion sons And many are plain speaking ones So dress up and pray if you like ‘Cause you can't be wrong but you can't be right The Buddhist monk and the Hasid Are just different haircuts to Me And My covenant shall be revised You shall no longer be circumcised I made you a gift full of nerves Is this what My artwork deserves? To be mutilated this way? What would Michelangelo say? And don't give Me the cleanliness speech I made your limbs and I know you can reach Unless you cut those off as well To minimize underarm smell The infant who's cut with a knife Is harmed and affected for life No taste or tradition is worth The cost of a death or a birth The people you're making so rich Are burying you in a ditch Things that you never would eat These people put into your meat Nothing can ever defend them If there were a hell I would send them Your grandparents broiled and fried Do you want to die how they died? The dinner that's dead should be living Merry Christmas and Happy Thanksgiving The next thing that I want to say is Is it's fine with Me if somebody is gay So what if they can't have a kid? I can make people from ribs Sodomy's not what I hate I don't need everyone to procreate Yet some people curse and condemn If you must hate hate people like them They imagine themselves to be virile Maybe I'll make them all sterile Bring a swift end to their kind Extinguish the military mind Here's something else I might add All drugs are not necessarily bad They're not for everyone If that's you then don't do them but let them be done You can't go on living in fear Reality never is clear And drugs are a big mystery Like birth and like death and like Me The mystery's solved when you die You go to heaven. It's like being high This ridiculous drug war must cease You all shall have a drug peace The last thing I need to make clear Is I don't know why I'm here I don't how this transpired I don't know by whom I was hired Yes, I live outside of time And to you I'm the reason and rhyme But who are these things to Me? And how did this all come to be? The good news is that when you're dead You'll see your grandparents again But the bad news is that when you're gone You still won't know what's going on" When He was finished He said "Thanks for the use of your head Now go to sleep and have dreams Everything's not what it seems" Fear G-d and keep His commands 'Cause in the end That's the whole man
12.
Robinson Crusoe 04:52
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"Robinson Crusoe" by Randy Kaplan You will live your life so you will have something to say to me You will do your job so you'll have money to pay for me I will be your only love you'll shiver at the sight of me And when I feel like chasing you you will take flight from me But you will bring me anything my little heart desires In the summer you will fan me in the winter light the fires You will make my troubles vanish in the air You will brush against me and you'll let me brush your hair You'll hold me like a baby whenever I am weak You'll hold it all inside you when I don't want you to speak You'll be there when I call on you sitting by the phone But you'll be someplace else when I want to be alone And then I’ll become Robinson Crusoe And it will not be like it used to Then we will begin again there is no doubt about it Once you deal with worship you can never deal without it You'll know what to pray for when you get down on your knees You'll show a sudden interest in whatever interests me You will make the bed and do the laundry and the dishes I'll open up a bottle and you'll come out and grant me wishes You'll feed my every hunger you'll quench my every thirst And when the big boat comes for us you'll make sure I go first And then you'll be done with Robinson Crusoe And it will not be what you're used to Then you will begin again there is no doubt about it Once you deal with worship you can never deal without it
13.
Standard Time Chop 02:53
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"Standard Time Chop" by Randy Kaplan Sunday night 8 o'clock Early on we turned the time back It feels like nine I have no job We were robbed we were robbed I went to a funeral I went to a wake I went to a party I ate too much cake My room looks nice I like what I've done But I'm not in the mood to be alone I'm gonna go out and shoot some pool I like 9 Ball but I lose I like billiards as a word But learning it is too much work I like the girl who sells me beer But Sunday night she's closed I hear I've always passed it I used to win But the tender trap finally pulled me in I'll just have a J&B The single malts overpowered me The other night I showed up high She let me stay I couldn't drive I couldn't even untie my boots Double knots she had the flu I kept her up 'till the break of dawn I sobered up and I was gone Rosewood chopsticks box with turtles Let's have a house with a kitchen table Rosewood chopsticks box with turtles Let's have a house with a kitchen table I got a stamp it's made of jade And in Chinese it says my name I got a stamp it's made of jade And in Chinese it says my name
14.
Next to You 03:36
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"Next to You" by Randy Kaplan Next to you I had no money Next to you I wasn't spoiled Next to you I was a gourmet cook 'Cause I made water boil Next to you I was Grizzly Adams Like I always wanted to be And I felt strong and that felt wrong When you were next to me Next to you I had no accent Next to you no complaints Next to you I tried to Exercise restraint But next to you I was Humbert Humbert Like I always wanted to be And I felt strong and that felt wrong When you were next to me I always know from the start and I knew What was in my heart wasn't true But I was in the dark and it grew I was sitting on the edge I was lying on your bed Things were going around in my head And next to me was you Next to you I was a decade Unbuckling its belt Next to you I was an ice cream cone Trying not to melt Next to you I was Jack the Ripper Like I always wanted to be And I felt strong and that felt wrong I felt strong but not for long When you were next to me
15.
Boyfriend Song 04:07
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"Boyfriend Song" by Randy Kaplan I think you should break up with your boyfriend And go back to casually seeing me We could be together once a month We could paint some paintings and then we could Drink some drinks and laugh I'll bring my guitar and we could sing We could be lazy as the sun goes down Lie in bed and talk about things I think you should break up with your boyfriend 'Cause when I call you on the phone You talk real low and you have to go I liked you better when you were alone I think you should break up with the boyfriend 'Cause I can't stand to see you now I want to take you in the corner and kiss you But there are things that boyfriends won't allow So when I ask you how he's doing Tell me he has finally gone Then let me hold you like I should have And forgive me for whatever I did wrong Don't you miss that feeling? Don't you miss being free? I think you should break up with your boyfriend And go back to casually seeing me
16.
Try With Another 04:20
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"Try With Another" by Randy Kaplan The way that she touched me The things that she said to me I thought I was in the old world Wild and wasted I washed while you waited Without so much as a word I lay down beside you Trying to hide from you Everything else I had been I wished no I prayed It could be far away And that time would hurry rush in The way that you touched me The things that you said to me It should have been easy to rest But I saw floating fires Signs of the dying And I had to imagine their deaths A few days later A week a month maybe I heard the word on the crash How after elections Inside information Would come from our man in France A few thousand miles Back to my old life I sent you home on a plane Left in the dark Nobody dared Try to begin to explain Until early November The sky at an angle News came like friendly fire But many disparaged The agent in Paris And everyone called him a liar Perhaps he was threatened Or taught a lesson Or made to apologize I apologize too For telling the truth When you could have lived with the lie But everything surfaces To praises or curses Or else it is reflected In the damage that's done And I couldn't outrun A missile misdirected And the way that she touched me And the things that she said to me

about

LAKE CHAMPIONS was recorded during the REBORN AS BEES sessions. On a day when Randy didn't feel like working on BEES, he sat down with his guitar and recorded eight songs. He sent the demo to his anarchivist Scott Bernstein who decreed that it must be made into an official album. Randy sat down one more time and recorded eight additional songs. This eclectic record has just about everything: torch songs, ballads, and tales; hope, love, and despair. In "Drunk As Can Be," a southern boozer tries to extricate himself from an addictive relationship. In "I Didn't Buy It," a sympathetic cad second-guesses himself and his dearly disposed. The narrator of "Gold" enjoys requited and true love while in "Robinson Crusoe" a man with a strong sense of entitlement tries to lay down the rules for a lopsided affair. In "Next To You" a woman makes her lover feel like Humbert Humbert and Jack the Ripper. A man visits the seedy bars of his old neighborhood in "Standard Time Chop" and, repulsed, is filled with domestic yearnings. In "G-d's song" a gentle, forthright, practical, and insecure G-d revises his commandments—eliminating circumcision, easing the strictures on sexuality, condoning drug use, and admitting that even He isn't quite sure of what's going on. LAKE CHAMPIONS is a personal and intimate album that touches on all the trademark Kaplan subjects.

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REVIEWS of Lake Champions:

"(Kaplan's) songs are sweetly personal and wonderfully void of pretentious overtones... The stories he sings wind and twist away from the ordinary and toward refreshing new ideas often humorous and bizarre... never predictable."
—THE INDEPENDENT / Lawrence, Kansas

"Long Island-born Randy Kaplan sings of modern romance, male neuroses, and quirky character studies with the off-kilter viewpoint of a man who appreciates the blurred edges as much as the finer points. Like Leonard Cohen before him, and his friend and musical compadre Dan Bern, Randy's self-effacing lyrics make you laugh, cry and blush at their honest simplicity."
—THE BOTTOM LINE / Required Listening preview; New York City

"(Kaplan's) songs display keen psychological insight... His emotional range is broad, running the gamut from uplifting to bleak."
—THE MATTRESS / Olympia, Washington

credits

released July 15, 1999

randy kaplan: vocals, guitar, harmonica

all words & music by randy kaplan
all songs ©1999 treeleigh music (ascap)

recorded, mixed, & mastered by colin mahoney
at z'gwon,th studios in lawrence, kansas
assistant engineer: dan balsinger

songs 1-8 recorded july 24, 1998
songs 9-16 recorded february 14, 1999

photographs by brian schey
drawings by rk
graphics by tom johnson
additional graphics by marty rosamond

special thanks: scott bernstein

thank you: david friedman, dan bern, mike west, myshkin, andras jones, paula shapiro, erik hyman, yasmina palumbo, robin blackwood, al, pat, & eddie at cassette city, my family & my friends

for karin & jillian

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Randy Kaplan Detroit, Michigan

ADULTS: Nashville Blues & Roots Alliance calls Randy “a master of old-time, Delta-influenced guitar,” and the Smoky Mountain Blues Society says he’s “an absolute ace guitarist, picker, and ragtime player.”

KIDS: Randy's blend of American Roots Music and Comedic Storytelling has inspired the likes of NPR and PEOPLE magazine to name Randy one of the nation’s top family entertainers. ... more

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